i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize