of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Never underestimate the power of titties
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
