This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i think i just lost a toe
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
