I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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