You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
