Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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