Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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