im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
