if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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