It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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