just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
im on a boat
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