My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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