you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
