true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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