I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
