I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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