I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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