Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
