I puked a lego.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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