i permit you to call me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize