Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
