I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
