She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
