That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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