Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
