I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
