You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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