My hand turned me down
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
