its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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