You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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