If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
