this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
