If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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