I haven't been this sober since birth.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
