he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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