Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
