guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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