You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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