she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
