Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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