guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
