but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
