What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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