apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
