got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
