There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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