mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Farmville is her only friend.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
