Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
