the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
