I'm so fucking centered right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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