he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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