Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
