The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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