I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
