Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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