i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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