If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
