he looks like a really good dad on facebook
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
