the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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