Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize