I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize