I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
