If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
