This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Please, let me fuck your mom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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