singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize