I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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