Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
