forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
