If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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