I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
50% drunk capacity currently
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
