Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
