there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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