Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
