i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the day after is always just damage control
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
