I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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