he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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