at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
