If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
