If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
