Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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