I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
